I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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