they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
