Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need water and some morals
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
