wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
