hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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