you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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