I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
