I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
