hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My pussy is not your playground.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
