i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
