On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
