im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
