he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
