i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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