i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
