i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
