she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
