I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
