she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
