Where did you get a picture of my penis
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
