I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
