I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
