i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
