Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The Olympian is in my bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
