Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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