I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
