she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have aggressive nipples.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
