pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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