i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
