it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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