I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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