GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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