I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize