just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
