the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
