this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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