So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
