sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
