I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
