No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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