White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
