I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
