I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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