This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
