Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
