Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
