last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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