just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
being pregnant is like rehab
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
