Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
