the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
