I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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