So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
