so let's talk penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
