I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
