Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
