Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
