I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
