i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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