We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need a beard to bite.
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